Today, September 22, I feel the joy of an 8-year-old child and the sadness of a widow. Joy comes for several reasons. For one, it is the day I was brought into this world by a beautiful mother who prayed to have me. See, she attempted to have a child for nearly 10 years, but doctors kept telling her she could not have kids. It was not until New Year’s day that she bowed on her knees and begged the Lord to give her a child. She did not care if she had to raise them by herself or if she did not have enough money to sustain them. She just wanted to outpour her love and be a mother. Sure enough her prayer was met.

On February 14^th (Valentine’s Day) she discovered her pregnancy and was in shock. She went for testing every week, but always it showed positive. A few months later, I was born and the entire neighborhood celebrated my coming for they considered me a miracle baby. Ironically, she named me Eliana, which is Greek for My God has answered or Fulfilled promised. She was unaware of the meaning till yesterday.

Today is also Monday, which happens to be my favorite day of the week. It was also the weekday I was born. Why do I like Mondays? Perhaps because it marks the beginning of my week and I love to think of what is in store for me. Every time of think of beginnings I get excited. Weird, I know.

Today is also the beginning of fall, which happens to be my favorite season. Fall is perfect. It’s the time for fuzzy socks, light jackets, delicious teas, apple and pumpkin picking, and eating scrumptious food. It is also a time to start caving in and spending some quality time with…..THE SELF.

Today I turn 22, and it is the 22^nd day of September. Not to mention that we are in the year 2008, and eight is my favorite number. (Read my blog: “The number 8”) Since I am so big on numerology I decided to analyze the number 22. According to the worldly famous Wikipedia (not the best, I know) the number is significant in numerology because it is often called the “Master Builder” or “Spiritual Master in Form”. This number includes all of the attributes of the number 2, twice over, and also those of the 4 (Four being the number of creation or world impact). It is said that people who are 22 find themselves feeling as if they live in two worlds, one which is overwhelmed by the mundane, and the other by the fantastic.

This is precisely where the sadness comes. For more than a month I have been feeling a pull, more like a burden, in my spirit. The best way to describe it is this. It is as if my spirit knows of something coming and feels how overwhelming it is, and it causes me to feel burdened. To paint it another way, it is as if I am carrying the sorrows of people I have yet to meet, or crying the tears of those in pain. It is like a spiritual division problem dividing my joy into pieces of perfect love and vulnerability. Or, it is like being a puppet and being pulled by those near me who are thirsty for more of life.

According to prophecy, October is the month of “going through,” and November the month of surprises. I feel it. I smell it. I breathe it. Certainly, I already started going through many emotions. I get highs like a butterfly flying in the sky and I get lows like a caged bird waiting for its death. Ironic enough, the joy I have is more powerful than that which is slowly eating me away and I know I am ready for this new season.