If you really knew me: You would know I hate Vegas, that when I was 14 and my brother was seven my mother use to drive to Vegas with my stepfather and neighbor to gamble while they left us outside in the car for hours.

When I heard the SLiCK training was in Vegas, I just knew memories would return of those moments waiting in the freezing desert cold for my parents to come back to the car. And so the memories came back and so did many others.

SLiCK is Student Leadership Inspired by Consuelo Kickbusch. For information on SLiCK go to
http://www.iamslick.com/.

Bring these young men and women to your school districts to change the lives of children who need help with school, peers, bullying, drugs, gangs, with their home, and life.

I and 39 other talented individuals from across the country were invited to participate in a training and to audition to help spread the work SLiCK does across the country. I was humbled from the very beginning at the level of talented individuals that I was surrounded by. As some of the readers on LatinosNJ.com know, I don’t hold my tongue for no one, and I’m as honest as I can be when it comes to Latino issues. This is no different.

As talented as I always tell myself I am (and people say I am, and I know it — plus I’m humble), I was in awe at the talents of individuals; from their singing ability to their pursuit of higher education and the changes they make on kids on a daily basis; from college recruiters that risk their lives driving to schools in snowy icy roads, to people who work in criminal detention centers that make a difference in the lives of kids in the “system.” I can sit here and write all day about the talent and loving souls in the room but it would take too much, plus I have to get back to writing a book (side note, in the last four months a copy editor from the Wall Street Journal is writing a book about my life, hence it has been difficult to write blogs) and the copy editor is a slave worker.

But what I do want to touch upon is the lives that touched my life, the stories that I will carry in my heart, the hugs and the tears I shared with so many people. We were there to get training and audition and we walked out of there with so much cleansing and release. Too many of the stories are too personal to share and it’s not my right to do so but one thing I can share is that we are all troubled and we all need this sense of release. As tired as I was from crying on Monday and as tired as I was trying to get my speech down to 20 minutes, I felt a calm, and I still feel a calm about me that’s different, I can’t even explain it, don’t want to, all I can say is that it’s SLiCK.

Consuelo Castillo Kickbusch once told me I had a gift, when all I did was stand in for a friend at a lecture and then because of a free ticket and hotel room in Chicago I went to do a workshop. I was not ever thinking of doing lectures for a living nor was ever thinking of someone writing a book about my life and now I feel even more humble because my story is not nearly as powerful as the stories of others in that room. I have not written a blog in a long time, but this experience moved me so much that I felt the need to tell people how wonderful this is. If grown professional men and women can reach deep into their souls and their inner demons and let them out, and feel at ease, I can only imagine what it can do to young men and women who have so much to live for.

As I was boarding the plane I had tears coming out of my eyes, which I thought was impossible from all the crying I had done on Monday. I had tears of joy; a place that I hated so much growing up, had brought me so much joy in the last three days. We took advantage of the buffet at the hotel, we went on a scavenger hunt, Consuelo said I looked “so cute” with my long hair ( I blushed) , we laughed till we couldn’t laugh anymore, I wore heels (don’t ask), and although hardly anyone saw this, I did a windmill at Coyote Ugly and won the dance-off against the Michael Jackson-looking guy, saw performances that couldn’t be topped anywhere else, saw a few friends I haven’t seen in a while, and felt inspired by humanity for the first time in a long time.

Yes, I thought, “How ironic, that I’m crying because I’m leaving Vegas and the memories and friends I leave behind, when I was crying a long time ago, that I was forced to come to Vegas.” Those things I can’t explain, but all I can say is, SLiCK made the change. Who’s SLiCK? I’m SLiCK!!!!

Have you ever wondered why so many Latinas over the age of 30 are still single? I have.

A few days ago I discussed this topic with some girlfriends. Obviously none of us are even close to thirty, but we are still single. The thought of one day reaching that age and the possibility of still abiding in singlehood is quite frightening. The more I thought about friends who were still not sharing their lives with a significant other the more I asked myself, why?

Why is it that most beautiful, successful, and well-educated Latina women are still not married? As I thought about this,  three things immediately came to my mind. The first possible reason is the fear of commitment because of past hurt. Most of this hurt probably comes from a broken household where she was not validated by her father or she had a bad experience with the father figure in her life, which marked her perception of a man. Perhaps she once gave herself whole-heartedly to a man who did not appreciate, value or reciprocate the same commitment. In turn, a core belief was created in her mind that says: “I am never giving my all because it’s never appreciated.”

The second possible reason is the fact that some women don’t know what they want. It’s like being hungry, but not knowing the type of appetite you have and how much you can really handle. So many of my friends go from one unsuccessful relationship to the next, desperately trying to find who they are. I always tell them, how can two broken people fix each other? We must find wholeness in ourselves first so that we become a blessing to that other person.

The last possible reason is that the Latino culture is mal acustumbrado. In other words, couples are accustomed to “living together” and getting the benefits of companionship without true commitment or responsibility. One of my good friends said that since so many women are more focused on their careers, the tradition of marriage is easily thrown out the window. Plus, “with so many government programs that support single women and moms, who needs the support of a man,” she added.

Apparently, this is not only a problem for Latinas. African-American women also have this issue. I mean look at successful women like Oprah and Tyra Banks. Are men intimidated by them? Or are they intimidated by themselves and not being fully valued by a man that is not at their level? One of my girlfriends told me that the main issue for black women is the small pool of “eligible” men they have to pull from. Personally, I have seen a lot of handsome and eligible black men, but often they are with someone outside their race.

Hannah Bruckner, a researcher at Yale University, noted a difference in dating preferences between some black men and women. “Black men are more likely to marry outside of their race, and black women are more likely to marry outside of their education,” she said.

I wonder if this is also true for Latinas. I wonder why most are still single. Is it a personal choice and if so is that any justice to their passionate hearts? Have they given up hope, or are they still hiding behind the “waiting for the right one” excuse? Maybe they have settled with just “living together,” commitment not included.

Regardless of the reason (and I am sure that they vary throughout the different women) there is hope if you are in your thirties and still single. That is, if deep down you still desire to be with someone. One thing is certain — men that approach you will be tired of games and will be finally at a maturity level that can stimulate your intellect and the right type of desires.

The Bible says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing.” Life gets to a point where the outer shell of a person is no longer of importance because there is a deeper longing for understanding, love, and true commitment.

Latinos love meat.

Pernil.  Pollo asado.  Pollo frito. Lechon. Chuletas.  Biftec.

Even meat — or stuff that resembles meat — that come in cans makes many of us salivate: Salchichas. Corned beef (basic instruction for cooking: Dump in a pot with some tomato sauce, sofrito, and a few papa fritas; mix, heat up and serve with white rice.)

And how about that morsilla?

So now I’m hearing one of the cool things to do now is “D.I.Y. butchering.” As in do-it-yourself butchering.  So says a recent article in the New York Times.

“ … D.I.Y. butchering also allows self-conscious carnivores — who in the past were candidates for vegetarianism — to justify their flesh-laden dinners. By learning to slaughter and butcher, they say, they can honor their pigs and eat them, too.”

Ha!  Latinos have been doing this for years. For better or for worse.

So on behalf of Latinos everywhere, I guess I can say: Welcome D.I.Y. butchering newcomers.

I was just a little kid living in Puerto Rico when I learned – very unexpectedly – where we get our chuletas from.  It was shortly after we moved back there from New Jersey after my grandmother, Mamita, got sick.

In the morning, the sound of roosters would signal the start of a new day for us.  We didn’t own any but it sounded like everyone else in Barrio Blondet did.

And some mornings, I would also hear high pitch squeals coming from the direction of the house across from us.   My “Nancy Drew” addiction hadn’t yet kicked in, but still I knew there was only one thing I could do: Go and investigate.

I set off alone one morning.  I crossed the street and walked towards the sound coming from the backyard.

I stood there and watched as the neighbor slit the throat of a screaming pig.  I didn’t move while I watched the blood flow from the gaping wound into a bucket.  I didn’t leave until the ghastly sounds subsided.  I never returned.

Many years later, as an adult, when I was walking with my mother Ines on Bergenline Avenue in Union City, I would avert my eyes whenever we passed the stores where live chickens in cages waited to meet their destiny.

The thought of fellow Latinos slaughtering pigs and sentencing chickens to death never bothered my mother.  In fact, she herself was quite handy with a knife (as one of my father’s girlfriends found out when she showed up on our doorstep).

And my mother never quite understood why her daughter did not want to eat meat.  Here’s a typical scene that played out year after year after year.

“I found the most beautiful chuletitas en Shop-Rite.  Mira que linda son! I’m going to make you two.”

“I don’t want it.  Yo no como carne!”

“Que que?  Pero estas muy flaca.   Tienes que comer!”

And often I gave in.  It was tough to look into her hurt eyes and say no.  You know how it is.

My mother is no longer around to tempt me.  I don’t eat meat anymore.  At least I do my best not to.  When I eat out, I’ve learned to ask if pork is used when I order habichuelas.

For so many years, I simply didn’t want to eat meat for ethical reasons.  And it turns out my eschewing animal flesh also has health dividends. And yet, when I talk to Latinos about this, I often get puzzled looks.  Like the ones my mother used to give me.

And while we may have differing views when it comes to meat, I have a sneaking suspicion there won’t be a lot of Latinos in these D.I.Y. butchering classes.

Their families would probably laugh themselves silly if they found out they had to pay to learn how to “honor their pigs and eat them, too.”

I have waited quite some time to write this blog. Perhaps the reality that adulthood is still creeping in has marked my forehead with the words IN DENIAL. But, after many requests and a realization that I am growing; I decided to write it. Here goes…

I recently marked one official year since I graduated. Can you believe that? I can’t! Life after graduation has been so interesting; full of adventures and self discovery. You have probably read some of the summer blogs I wrote. If you have not, go ahead!

After my summer dreamland, reality soon kicked in reminding me I needed a job to pay off my loans. Oh, the burden of Sallie Mae! Unexpectedly, I started working for this small remodeling company in Brooklyn where I jumped in to be the Director of Administration. This was definitely not in my plans, yet it seems that the opportunity was placed in my life for a reason. For one I had the opportunity to do the two things I am best at: organize and administer. Soon I noticed that one thing remains constant in my life: the responsibilities on my plate. The joy! Immediately, I began to grow professionally and sharpen some of my strengths. Of course, I also learned about all of my weaknesses and how much work I really needed.

The months of September through December were crazy because I began to get deeper into ministry work. So many times my character was stretched, my temper tested, and my faith challenged. I was growing as a unique leader while unaware of what was going on behind the scene. God was getting ready to show me some realities that were going to change my life forever.

By the time it was January I was losing desire for everything. The New Year felt old and the burden of ministry was weighing me down. I was getting bored with everything. This was an awkward feeling for me because I hate boredom and try to avoid it! So much so that I have a list of things to research when ever I feel bored, that way I am still entertained. Yes, I love research.

I could not understand why I felt lifeless and unmotivated. Was this really Eliana? Was I missing something? Why was I not being productive at work or feeling on fire in my personal life? I could not stand being in my own head! My emotions were riding a rollercoaster everyday!

So one morning after I finished praying and got ready to go to work it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was still thinking like a college student!

What!

Life was challenging me! It was building character in me and weaning out of my spirit the cyclical tendencies produced in college students to hang in there with something for 3 ½ months and then go on break, then another 3 ½ months and our assignment as a student leader or staff is over. Here I was 4 months into my first post graduation job and it made sense why I was feeling that way. My mind was expecting a new assignment in January, but life said “No sweetheart you have work to finish and a purpose to fulfill.” I realized I needed to come up with strategies that will help compliment my weaknesses. My strength, for example, is motivated by passion, but when the passion is gone and my assignment is still undone, I need to have something in place that will carry me in faithfulness in the tasks until the second wind of passion kicks in. Have you been here before? Did you develop strategies or a game plan?

Let me assist you. Below are a few realizations that have helped me persevere during these last couple of months. So if you feel like you have been in my shoes or currently feel as if you are getting “bored” with what you are doing, read below and hope you are blessed!

1. Realize that there is always a bigger purpose at hand. Your life is one big assignment, and each season in your life represents a different step that is getting you closer to the completion of that mission.

2. Focus on the task life has in front of you right now. It could be school, a certain job, a certain position, etc… What can it help you develop and what are things you want to impart on it?

3. Take it a day at a time. You can’t conquer the world so quickly. Everything takes preparation. Do the best you can every day.

4. Let go of the things you have no control of. But rise up to take control of what is in your hands.

5. Balance! Wake up with a mind to work, but know when to relax.

6. Discipline yourself to finish what you start. Distractions will come. Don’t dwell in them, keep it moving.

7. When the road gets tough, don’t quit. Hang around long enough with something to know the value of why it’s in your life to begin with.

8. Be patient. Sometimes life presents us with the unexpected, but just because something doesn’t look the way we hoped, does not mean it will not work out for our good.

9. When its time to move on, move. You are not doing the world any good by staying where you are not suppose to. It’s like being a square peg in a round hole.

10. Realize that it’s not about you. Ever! Sometimes it’s about helping others reach their vision and soon enough you will stumble on your own dream

11. Lastly, know that your ending will be greater and sweeter than your beginning. You might not necessarily know what that end point is, but be assured that where you start or are currently standing is not where you will end up. Greater things are coming your way!

I hope that was helpful. Feel free to share realizations or truths that work for you! Knowledge is power, but the application and sharing of it is even more powerful.

As I write this, I am full of emotion and awe: Judge Sonia Sotomayor is President Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court.

A Latina! A fellow Boricua! A contemporary! A lover of Nancy Drew books! Dios mio!

As I watched the live announcement, I couldn’t wait to hear her first comments about her selection. And she certainly didn’t disappoint us.

After thanking President Obama, she quickly zeroed on the people who helped her throughout her life: her family and friends.

But then she singled out her “life aspiration” – her mother.

I know Latinos across this country who were watching were already choked up just for the simple fact that a Latina – an Hispanic – was being named. But I know that we all lost it in tandem when she began to speak in honor of her mother, Celina.

“I have often said that I am all I am because of her, and I am only half the woman she is.” said Judge Sotomayor who blinked rapidly to keep her tears at bay.

Awwwwwwwwwwwww!

I know many of us thought of our own mothers who did all that they could to make sure their kids had better lives. They fed us hot meals, forced us to go to school when all we wanted to do was hang out, yelled at us, went without so we wouldn’t, perhaps administered a few beatings with la correa, and were ready to give up their last breaths for us.

Today, on this historic day, Celina was the stand-in for all of our mothers who prepared us for our lives. But, for now, the spotlight was on her hijita.

“Awesome news about Sotomayor!” wrote Cynthia Maldonado Gonzalez, a Bronx native now living in Paterson, in a text message she sent me just moments after the announcement. She said her own mother, Miriam Maldonado, who is still in New York, got very emotional at the news. “Yeah, that’s us Bronx Puerto Ricans. That’s where my family made it out from housing projects and it’s a success for us all!”

Idida Rodriguez made sure she took breaks during her business meetings to get updates and share her sentiments about the nominee.

“It’s a great day for Latinos in this country, particularly for Puerto Ricans,” said the Paterson native who grew up in public housing just like Judge Sotomayor.

Idida said she was touched that Judge Sotomayor, who will be one of the most highest profile Puerto Ricans ever in history, described herself as just “an ordinary person who has been blessed with extraordinary opportunities and experiences.”

Perth Amboy Mayor Wilda Diaz, who made history in 2008 when she became the first elected Puerto Rican female mayor in New Jersey (and considered to be the first one in the nation) described Tuesday’s announcement as “one of the proudest moments” for Latinos.

“This shows that we count,” said Mayor Diaz who as a child also lived in public housing.

I also believe that one of the best things about Sonia Sotomayor’s nomination is that people from around the world will learn a bit about Puerto Ricans and our roots. The mighty New York Times recently got such a lesson.

On May 16, 2009, they ran this correction: An article on Friday about Judge Sonia Sotomayor, a possible candidate for nomination to the Supreme Court, referred incorrectly to her parents. As people who moved to New York from Puerto Rico, they were United States citizens. They were not “immigrants.”

So felicidades Sonia Sotomayor! Felicidades to us all!

And, with all due respect, may I add the three little words that sums it up for Latinas all over this world?

You go girl!

It’s amazing to think about the things that can happen in just one year. When I sit to think about it, I get inspired to do more, be more, believe more, and give more of myself. The year 2008 definitely brought new beginnings, and also brought sad endings to people and things in my life that no longer aligned with my purpose. Here is a quick rundown of what happened in 2008, a clear indication that the best is yet to come. Not all moments can ever be fully recorded. This is just a glimpse.

January:
Began my year in total consecration from certain people and activities in my life. Wanted a focused mindset regarding the new year. Preached for the first time ever. Discovered that I have more self-control than what I thought.

February:
Saw the International Missions Conference I was planning come to life. Performed in my last show of the Vagina Monologues. Had a vision that gave me confirmation that Kenya was the place for our annual trip. Spent another Valentine’s Day with my girlfriends. Discovered that those who see it in you, will always drive you there.

March:
Went on my last tour with Gospel Choir Ministries. Served in New Orleans and Texas. Got a chance to be on the set with Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Helped on the last night to finish the house for the Usea family. Prayed for the elderly. Celebrated my spiritual birthday. Trained the new executive board for Union Latina, the group I headed at school.Volunteered at a young girls event at the United Nations. Discovered the importance of serving.

April:
Enjoyed my last full month as a senior in college. Spoke at a conference for Latinas. Met Linda Nieves-Powell. Hosted various Latino events in celebration of our schools Latino Awareness Celebration month. Spent time with people I care about. Studied hard for finals. Wrote papers. Continued fundraising for Kenya trip. Went to see “ In the Heights”. Pondered about my after-graduation plans. Gave my last college tour. Discovered that I love everything that I am.

May:
Did some illegal, yet fun things on campus. Lived every minute of every day. Received a grant from the Hispanic Scholarship Fund on graduation day. Took a picture with the president of the college on graduation day. Our picture was the one chosen to be in the newspaper the next morning. Received an award from the Communications Department. Graduated on a very rainy day, just like all my other graduations. Went to a women’s networking convention for free. Discovered that the best moments of my life, just began.

June:
Prepared final details to go to Kenya, Africa. Traveled to London. Almost got stranded in London. Made it to Kenya with the group. Kissed a giraffe. Learned some swahili songs. Met the beautiful kids at By Grace Home. Fell in love with life, all over again. Tasted mandazi and chapati for the first time. Met and bonded with some very amazing people. Discovered that God truly is faithful with his promises.

July:
Preached for the second time ever, in Kenya. Walked one of the poorest slums in Kenya, and loved it. Learned that I am truly a missionary. Started constructing the orphanage with the group. Saw live African dancing. Danced with a Catholic priest in front of a whole bunch of people. Celebrated the 4th of July in Kenya. Helped run medical clinics in the slum of Mathare. Prayed for a Muslim woman that was diagnosed with HIV. Felt overwhelmed with everything I was learning. Got my hair braided by the little girls from the By Grace Home. Traveled back to London. Discovered that great things can never be accomplished alone.

August:
Went for a job interview at my friend’s small business. Joined the West New York Women’s Club. Attended a free jazz concert with my sister. Felt a deep desire to run for mayor of West New York. Attended the second annual retreat of Fresh Springs International. Finally figured out the answers to some of my unanswered prayers. Thought about my future husband. Learned that I really do enjoy dancing. Wrote two songs. Discovered that I will always be a little girl at heart.

September:
Was hired as the Director of Administration at BRP. CORP. Got licensed to minister. Celebrated my 22nd birthday. Had a surprise party for my best friend’s 22nd birthday. Tasted clams and lobster for the first time. Got an awesome business idea. Had many prophetic dreams. Felt deep sorrow for the first time in a very long time. Wanted to change my look. Wrote three songs. Had jury duty for the first time. Discovered a different level of friendship.

October:
Interviewed two potential candidates. Hired someone for the first time. Fired someone for the first time. Had my first employee meeting of the month. Received a phone call from the family I stayed with in El Salvador in 2007. Had the first ever Salsa at the Springs event. Noticed how much I missed dancing Salsa. Changed my look. Realized that I was no longer a college student. Spent some time fasting for clarity in life. Wrote a sermon while sitting on a bus. Learned that I love Human Resources. Attended a convention that gave me ideas for future projects. Discovered that there are so many beautiful gifts in people.

November:
Had lunch with Ivette for the first time ever. Began a new season in the spirit. Started a personal project. Learned that I am truly called to help young girls discover themselves. Started and finished reading two books. Celebrated Thanksgiving with the family. Explored other business ventures. Learned that I love being creative. Had endless phone meetings. Had thoughts of my life calling. Discovered the true meaning of discretion and clarity.

December:
Spent much time in my thoughts. Had the annual Christmas gathering with my three best friends. Realized I need to give more of myself. Spent my weekends with the family. Noticed how occupied I am with ministry. Wondered why I am still single. Volunteered at a children’s holiday party for the W.N.Y Women’s Club. Celebrated Christmas with the family. Celebrated New Years with the family. Discovered that if life was like pregnancy and 2008 was like the last month of being pregnant, 2009 will be a time where everything in me will manifest.

The smell of pernil woke me up this morning. Immediately I thought to myself, “Are Latinos the only people who cook pernil, turkey and chicken on Thanksgiving?” We must be really hungry people, or simply creative when it comes to food!

As I laid in bed I thought about making the most out of today, considering it was a holiday and I was going to be with my family. Here are some thoughts:

1. Have some quiet time. Thank God for taking the time to create such a beautiful and gifted creature like yourself! If you love to write, spend some time journaling or even blogging!

2. Be thankful for your mother, even if she woke you up at 6am just so you can witness the pernil entering the oven.

3. Send out all text messages and make all calls in the morning. That way you will receive responses all days and feel cherished at every moment.

4. Bake or cook something different. Typically, Latinos have the usual rice, pernil, turkey, potato salad, flan, and some weird mix of vegetables. Make an exotic dish for a change. Pastelon de platano? Mofongo? Pumpkin Pie? A cultural dish?

5. Forgive and forget. What is the point of being thankful for life and still holding grudges? The truth is that we are all humans and therefore are bound to make mistakes. Get the courage to call that person. “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

6. Eat, Eat, and continue eating. Today is the day to not worry about your figure or calories. We are all created different for a reason. Indulge in food, embrace yourself and be jolly.

7. Talk to the strange ones. How well do you know your family members? Spend time talking to them and catching up with their life. It’s so easy to get caught up with the busyness of our life that we forget others. Listen to them and feel refreshed.

8. Sing along. How many of your aunts and uncles play that old school bolero? They start talking and reminiscing about the good ol’ days? Sing along and laugh with them.

9. Take pictures. Its always fun to see pictures of what the style was for the year, how everyone had their hair done, what games you played, etc… Make moments and capture them.

10. Hug everyone! Hugs are so refreshing and intimate. Take time to just hug your loved ones and tell them how grateful you are for them.

11. Live the moment. Don’t allow your mind to be at work or thinking about all your projects. Let your mind be with your family enjoying every minute. If necessary turn your phone off after a certain time.

12. Save the leftovers! Make sure to have tupperware. Get a little bit of everything that was left and have fun heating it up in the morning!

I got a call this afternoon from my younger brother Carlos. After some chit-chat, he tells me he just saved a life.

Whaaatttt???

He said that as he was driving back to his home after running an errand, he spotted a car parked on a ramp just off Route 22 in Bridgewater. Smoke and flames were coming up from the front wheel area of the car.

And there was an elderly man just sitting in the driver’s seat.

Now my brother is one of the most hard-working people I know on this earth. He’s an artist at heart but that doesn’t pay the bills. So he has a full-time job with a trash-hauling company and works at odds and ends so he can make a living and – maybe someday – have the time to paint and create and do all those types of things that artists do.

And despite all the work he puts in, he’s found the time since 1991 to be a proud member of the U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary where he’s picked up some lifesaving skills. In fact, he’ll be going out on patrol with the Coast Guard Auxiliary this Saturday.

Carlos was home today working on the roof when he realized he needed some more wood and headed to the store. As he drove back, he spotted the burning car.

He stopped – as did another vehicle with a few men. He saw the flames starting to go further up the car and realized the whole vehicle would be on fire within minutes.

And yet the car’s occupant – who looked around 90 – didn’t budge. He just looked forward and appeared dazed.

My brother’s training, which calls for rescue first and then seek help, kicked in. As the other men blocked traffic from coming down the road in case the car exploded, he ran and pulled the unbuckled man out.

Carlos said the man was frail and thin, weighing perhaps 90 pounds “if he was lucky.” He gently and slowly walked the man to safety, and then called 911.

“He could only walk a few inches at a time,” said Carlos, who asked the man if he had driven on a flat tire and received an affirmative response.

Emergency personnel responded quickly and took over, and Carlos went home.

He later called the police station and was relieved to find out that the man hadn’t suffered smoke inhalation. He had been heading to a local hospital where he had an appointment. We both wondered why the man was traveling alone.

But there are a lot of people traveling alone out there. In fact, we have another family member driving cross country as we speak, heading back to New Jersey. According to what doctors told him six months ago, he shouldn’t even be around much less driving across the country. But that’s another story.

I’m proud to call my brother Carlos a hero.

And Carlos, one more thing: Sorry for all the times I told you we found you in a garbage can.

Today, September 22, I feel the joy of an 8-year-old child and the sadness of a widow. Joy comes for several reasons. For one, it is the day I was brought into this world by a beautiful mother who prayed to have me. See, she attempted to have a child for nearly 10 years, but doctors kept telling her she could not have kids. It was not until New Year’s day that she bowed on her knees and begged the Lord to give her a child. She did not care if she had to raise them by herself or if she did not have enough money to sustain them. She just wanted to outpour her love and be a mother. Sure enough her prayer was met.

On February 14^th (Valentine’s Day) she discovered her pregnancy and was in shock. She went for testing every week, but always it showed positive. A few months later, I was born and the entire neighborhood celebrated my coming for they considered me a miracle baby. Ironically, she named me Eliana, which is Greek for My God has answered or Fulfilled promised. She was unaware of the meaning till yesterday.

Today is also Monday, which happens to be my favorite day of the week. It was also the weekday I was born. Why do I like Mondays? Perhaps because it marks the beginning of my week and I love to think of what is in store for me. Every time of think of beginnings I get excited. Weird, I know.

Today is also the beginning of fall, which happens to be my favorite season. Fall is perfect. It’s the time for fuzzy socks, light jackets, delicious teas, apple and pumpkin picking, and eating scrumptious food. It is also a time to start caving in and spending some quality time with…..THE SELF.

Today I turn 22, and it is the 22^nd day of September. Not to mention that we are in the year 2008, and eight is my favorite number. (Read my blog: “The number 8”) Since I am so big on numerology I decided to analyze the number 22. According to the worldly famous Wikipedia (not the best, I know) the number is significant in numerology because it is often called the “Master Builder” or “Spiritual Master in Form”. This number includes all of the attributes of the number 2, twice over, and also those of the 4 (Four being the number of creation or world impact). It is said that people who are 22 find themselves feeling as if they live in two worlds, one which is overwhelmed by the mundane, and the other by the fantastic.

This is precisely where the sadness comes. For more than a month I have been feeling a pull, more like a burden, in my spirit. The best way to describe it is this. It is as if my spirit knows of something coming and feels how overwhelming it is, and it causes me to feel burdened. To paint it another way, it is as if I am carrying the sorrows of people I have yet to meet, or crying the tears of those in pain. It is like a spiritual division problem dividing my joy into pieces of perfect love and vulnerability. Or, it is like being a puppet and being pulled by those near me who are thirsty for more of life.

According to prophecy, October is the month of “going through,” and November the month of surprises. I feel it. I smell it. I breathe it. Certainly, I already started going through many emotions. I get highs like a butterfly flying in the sky and I get lows like a caged bird waiting for its death. Ironic enough, the joy I have is more powerful than that which is slowly eating me away and I know I am ready for this new season.

It seems that the middle of our trip was more focused on love, exposure to reality, and preparation to be used like never before.

I felt loved every single minute, especially when I was with the kids. It does not matter if they were all surrounding me, braiding my hair,* or just looking at me. Every time I was with them I felt the sincerity of their hearts.

During one of our night reflections I mentioned that listening is an important part of love. When I was listening to the kids I felt love either because I saw how much they were lacking it and so there was a natural impulse in me to provide it, or I saw how full of it they were and I had a spirit to receive their embrace. So it does not matter if you are lacking it or full of love, through the art of listening you are in love with that other person. Love is just that: being in that invisible space with someone where your minds agree, your hearts seek understanding of the other, and your body feels at home.

This reminds me of the night that Lydia, one of the FoxFires, told us to read 1 Corinthians 13, the famous bible passage on love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

She told us to replace the word love with our name. It made me think about all the times I say “I love you” to people. Am I really patient with them? Am I angered? I thought this was a great interpersonal exercise.

Another vivid memory in my mind is a time I was in one of the slums. I was sitting in this small couch and a street kid was looking at me. He was right next to me. I put my hands out and the child touched mine. He had small hands. When I looked into his eyes, it looked like an ocean of happiness. It was as if this simple touch filled his life. It was a sense of acknowledgement. The child knew he existed because of our touch. His eyes were happy. To see this child trapped in this moment, this real and yet unreal moment saddened my eyes. My soul rejoiced, however, because I know that part of my job as Eliana is to bring balance to these people. I was in love at that moment. It was only for one minute, but the residue still lingers in my heart.

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uGPAiO7vj0